Life changes

 In my younger years, I basked in the freedom of pre-motherhood, living the dream of studies and depending on my parents financial standing for my traveling fancies. After marriage and having my first child, it seems everything has changed. From my spontaneous nature to book a trip within the next 2 days, pack in one and leave the other. Life has changed. It takes me half an hour to leave the house just to go to the grocery store and longer for a pleasurable hike. 

Oh well, I think I am beginning to understand the next stage of life changes, and what they mean when they say that when you get married and start a family life will change. Indeed it has changed. I wouldn't say it has changed in a bad way, it has just changed. Change doesn't always mean a bad thing, even though we are used to viewing change as such. But change can be good, needed and quote pleasurable as well. Although I'm unable to do many of the things that I used to do pre-child, the changes that have come with said child brought to my life new things to do and new things to find joy in. 

 

A week in Cape Cod 🌊

  • Wednesday, Sept 16 - 

Today we drove to Cape Cod. It was a whopping 1hr50min drive and I am in awe at how quickly it went. Having lived in Worcester for over 4 years and never been to Cape Cod. I am a little shocked and surprised, but in my defense I had never had a reason to go, and any reason would have been too expensive anyway. 

My in-laws rented a little cottage by the beach. It is located in a beautiful small neighborhood bordering a golf course. Upon entry, you are met with a foot mat that is made out of a thick rope in knots. Sea shells and mermaid motifs line the walls and the shelves. There is a book, a guide on how to brush the sand for treasures. I skimmed it, half reading and half listening to my husband tell my in-laws some story. To the left of the book was a shallow trinket dish in the shape of a shell... oh wait! it's an actual shell. It has that soft yet rustic feeling of shell, like what I image bones would feel like. 

We went out for dinner, at the The! Best! Place! for Lobster rolls! to be fair, it was a cute little place, with antique shops and those lightbulbs that make every ambiance super boho and beach-like looking. It was nice. The Lobster roll was deliciou,  bit too much lobster but no complains because it has been the most lobster we've ever gotten on a lobster roll before. My mother-in-law thought it was too much lobster and too filling. We could have gone by with 2 or 3 for the 4.5 of us, our clam chowder included. She added cocktail sauce to it and mentioned how it had gained some flavor. Me, who hadn't added 4 lemon juice to it agreed. My husband was pleased with his lemon drowned lobster and downed it.  

• Thursday, Sept 17- 

Woke up late today, around 10am. It is a pleasant yet not so pleasant. Pleasant because waking up past 9 with a toddler is a feat in it of its own and not pleasant because I want to be a person who wakes up early and has their coffee and thinks and journals, you know? But with a toddler, it is it's own story. Anyway, I did wake up and after the commotion of changing diaper and clothes and brushing teeth and hairs, I finally made it downstairs. My wonderful in-laws had a breakfast array on the table. Pancakes. Syrup and utentils arrayed and everything. Coffee was on the island. Hot water, instant coffee and the creamer. Greeks love instant coffee. I kind of get it, it is is quick and tastes.. not too bad. it has grown on me. 

We took a drive to a lighthouse. It was a beautiful drive. The houses scream rich! and money! with their own boats parked in the lots where cars are supposed to go. Houses with triangle shaped windows and windows on the ceilings. I thought of ways to signal to my husband that hey!!!!!! maybe we should buy a house up here, teehee! I didn't and don't need to say much, because I believe he is as enamored as I am. I hope that is an enamor that goes beyond daydreaming as is for me and turns into an enamor that means house-buying for him. After the lighthouse we stopped at a side-of-the-road beach. 

It was very much what I had imaged but never seen a New England beach be. The seagulls hung around, refusing to leave the gourmet snack they'd been entreated to by my husband and toddler. Yes, I know. I wouldn't leave by the way side a ham&cheese croissant either! Luckily I had packed 3 of them, because hello! the kid needed to eat. The water was cold, but refreshing to the toes! There was a stone walk-way that invited thoughts and ideas. They came and left with the breeze that played there. 

•Friday, September 18-

My husband was up early today, before 8:30! Shocking as a night owl who usually wake up early at around 1pm.  The kid and I were up and ready to conquer the breakfast and coffee table at around 9am. Coffee for moi. Eggs with feta cheese for the moro please! 

We went to South Cape state park, and on the drive there I romanticized how might be living so close to the beach. I spent the day in the sun, with my clothes on and sand in my toes-zone. Watching my toddler play on her own with a bucket and shovel in the sand felt like getting a kiss from God. I wasn't needed. 

When the beach trip passed its zenith, we decided to head home. The moro was getting sleepy and sleepy means fussy and fussy means annoying. My mother in law took her. I squeezed myself out of the trip with my husband and father in law to get some food. I hid that I packed a bag with a towel, my bathing suit. I took my keys and drove back to beach, alone.  I drove with the windows down and played my Italian disco at full volume. This is what it feels to be alive! This sentiment carried over to the changing into my bathing suit in the back seat of my Subaru Outback and walk to the beach. A few yards away from where I had been earlier with my in laws. I set the towel down, threw off my shoes and into the COLD cold water I went. I imagine I am in a movie and looking to the horizon as I go into the water. Under the water, I thank God and I ask Him to heal me, to help me, to save me, a sinner! To grant me patience and selfless love. Selfless love! I can say on this so much... 

I had a burger and half a hot dog for dinner. It was good. From a local hot dog place that sells The! Best! Hot! Dogs! I struggled to give the kid her dinner. She's getting picky.. gosh darn.

• Saturday, September 19- 

Nothing much to blog here today, we spent a day indoors. Starting to feel like the end of summer for reals now. I took some alone time, left the baby with her grandparents and went to the beach. 

the beach reveals waves of thoughts

 I went to the beach earlier this week. It was the first visit of the year 2026, and although we are at the cusp of the end of summer, it couldn’t have been a better beach trip. It was the beach at Juan Dolio, in Dominican Republic, where I am from. We settled to lodge at a restaurant because it it included parking, beach access, a delicious meal, restrooms and bathrooms to change into after swimming. This combo is the combo when visiting the beach in DR because unless you are at a resort, you must be ready to pay for parking. pay for a table to sit at. pay for food and have to change out of your sticky wet and sandy clothes in your car. We arrived an hour after noon time. Our stomachs grumbled in hunger after the hour or so drive from the capital where my parents live (including traffic). Upon arrival, the sky had gotten a bit cloudy, and there was a moving breeze that launched away anything lightweight and ruffled the tiers of my long skirt. Once we settled into our tables, we placed our order of sea food, cheese yuca empanadas and natural juices (i ordered a strawberry). My husband wanted to order a burger, but my father placed a stumbling bloc and said '“you don’t bring sand to the beach”. He decided to let me order for us. I ordered a pound of sautéed Lobster and empanadas for the kid. When they came back to tell me that they didn’t have anymore lobster and that I needed to order something else, I ordered a half pound of garlic octopus and a hamburger. My husband pretended to be pious in front of my father. He fought me on my ordering the burger. I knew that is what he wanted and it became proof when he downed his burger within the first 5 minutes of getting it. fries included.

In the water now, and the waves are raging (surely that didn’t stop us, what else could?). I looked at the horizon for what felt like a lifetime, except it was only for a straight minute or two. Looking at the horizon in full attention, with nothing else fighting to obtain it, is a magical treat. The sound of the wind and waves crashed within my psyche and an foam-full of thoughts slithered to the shore of my noticing. The image of my mental ecosystem materialized and I basked in the warm fuzzy feeling of being bombarded with thoughts. So many at the same time I couldn't focus on one. 

I am convinced that the little overwhelm at the beach is actually a good overwhelm, because it pushes the boundaries of the mind to hold on to any single thought, fight the holding and thus let it go.

On the fig tree analogy

 I am sure you have heard about the fig tree analogy. It has made it rounds about the internet, and I am just now coming across it, sort of. I have felt the feelings of this grappling thought yet hadn't heard of the term used to describe this phenomenon. 

The "Fig tree analogy" derives from Silvia Plath'a The Bell Jar, where she sits beneath a fig tree and although starving, can't seem to make up her mind as to which of the figs she want to eat. This is applied to the urgency and need with which many of us are to pick the life that we are going to lead... to be an artist, to be an architect, to be a working mom, a stay at home mom... etc. It paints the picture that we all grapple with at some point (or many points) in life where we stand at a cross roads and must make a decision as to where to go from there. 

              " I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig-tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attlia and a pack of other lovers with queer names and off-beat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. 

I saw myself, sitting in the crotch of this fig-tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and everyone one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet" 

-Sylvia Plath

The analogy is particularly frightening because we are taught to believe that we must pick a fig, and that were are within a time constraint to do so. It seems that we are rushed through life from the moment we step foot in this world, and the stop of choosing in which direction to go makes no exception. 

It is one thing to have this struggle as an adult, with the entirety of your brain developed. But what can we say about the pressure that we put on younger people, teenagers. That doomed year of the closing of senior year and beginning the year where you must decide "what you're going to do".. 

 But who says that we can't fill the tiers of our skirts with multiple figs? Why must we just choose one? 

So my dear reader, 

grab as many figs as you can, while you can. At least that is what I'll aim to do..

Hello!

 Okay…. migrated here with no choice. My previous internet corner has been harboring cobwebs and sending out invitations (linking my wixsite on social media) feels like standing on the sidewalk in in the middle of a busy intersection with a cardboard sign. Yet not one is stopping. In addition to the fact that I refuse to pay for a domain.. call me cheap. Anyway, I have discovered (it seems) this website that is older then me but for some reason unknown to me? Already it has proven to be fruitful, my move here. I am wrapping my mind around the whole html and css business, which never called my attention before, but all of a sudden it's cool (?). I am excited to be here! and I'm more excited that you stumbled here. 

Here are all (jk. some) of the things that I am, and the internal places from which I write.

Nice to e-meet you and welcome to my blog!

xo,

~ru